MONT SAINT ANNE

This is, to be honest, a story that I wasn’t super excited to write about. But there are a million phrases and reasons I needed to do it. This blog is all about learning how to race and they say you learn the most in defeat. I was pretty defeated. They say that the best judge of character is how someone handles the difficult times. This has been an amazing year and this little hiccup in the long run is exactly that, a bump in the road on the way up. Finally, to be a good racer, you have to selectively remember. The good day and the bad, you have to only focus on things that make you stronger. Not the negativity that you feel from some bad luck. I’ve been focusing on the useless negative, it’s time to focus on the things that will help me improve.

This story starts with a familiar beginning. I got in the car, all packed up Wednesday morning and drove. This time I had a passport in hand and Quebec City on my GPS. In stark contrast to the weeks leading up to traveling, driving was calming. After rushing around, securing funding and getting a passport, packing and so much more, I was ready. I had put so much effort into getting to the level where I could even race a world cup, and then so much more effort making it happen when the opportunity was presented to me. I’m not one to let things stop me or get in my way anyways, but I was determined to do this race. It was in the back of my mind all season long, wondering if I could do it.

So you can imagine the feeling when on Thursday after having an amazing pre-ride on the course earlier in the day I decided to cut short my race prep to get some extra sleep because I could feel a tickle in my throat. I honestly couldn’t let myself believe it. I had to just lie to myself about it. It didn’t matter if I was getting sick; I was still going to race. I did my best to get rest and was pounding Emergen-C, but whatever was the case I was going to line up. This opportunity was too big to just give up and go home. Friday’s course ride was pathetic; 2 laps about 2 minutes off my pace from the Thursday and I was cross eyed, sore and exhausted when I finished. I went to bed almost numb, trying not to worry about being sick.

I woke up feeling a little better than the day before and I was hopeful that I might have beaten it. I packed up and headed to the course. Rain had been threatening all week after it had rained Wednesday night. The sky was leaking a little, but it seemed to be holding out. The sun would peak through once in a while but it was mostly cloudy and crazy windy. But as the weather seemed to be getting better throughout the day, I was getting worse. I got everything ready and ate, and finally kitted up. But by the time my warm up was finished I was feeling tired. I lined up with only adrenaline and caffeine keeping me looking and feeling like I could maybe do something.

Off the start, I flew, by some small miracle. I made my way from last row up to Stephen Ettinger who was sitting top 30 maybe. I did this easily it seemed, but when we hit the first climb I was only going backward. My stomach started to feel like I’d puke, and the legs were empty. I pushed on and made it to the top of the first climb with the group but quickly it was just watching them ride away and as I came through after lap 1 I was about 2 minutes plus down. I continued to try and push it but when I did, my legs wouldn’t respond. Instead I would get a little dizzy and start breathing like I’d been holding my breath for a few minutes. The body was just broken and pretty soon, the mind followed suit. After 3 laps, I’d had enough.

I was pretty angry at myself for pulling out. My thought is that if you’re going fast enough such that the officials will let you do another lap, you’re not too sick to do the lap. If I was really so sick that I could only do 3 laps, I would have been pulled. But looking back I am a little less angry with myself I guess. I’m more just frustrated with the situation. Such an amazing opportunity, so much support from sponsors, friends and family and I just couldn’t have the race I wanted to.

There is a silver lining though. If you know me well enough, you know that the only thing that motivates me more than success is defeat. Motivation is still a little low from being sick and from a long season, so I’m taking a break now, but my hunger and want to succeed is burning furiously, and almost like I’m drinking gasoline, it’s only burning harder as the week unfolds. The other positive to take away is that I still learned a ton from practice and racing. I found that I can pretty much ride anything regardless of what I think when I look at it. This confidence is so important to have and having the experience to back it up is even better. I was able to not only ride every “A” line, but dial it in. I relearned something I thought I already knew. Power isn’t everything, physical strength and the ability to move your bike around is just as important. The fast guys were able to maintain traction in some of the slickest sections by having perfect balance on the bike, a product of their core and upper body strength and stamina. I also learned to always look at every line possible and try them because you never know where you can find a few extra seconds. Watching the top guys ride and knowing the lines I rode, I could see what I was doing and how they were doing it better.

So in the end, I guess my final thoughts about the race are this. It was an amazing opportunity for me and I am so happy I had the chance. But to have that and then watch is slip away from something you may have been able to prevent was just very difficult. It made it an emotional week for me, and I don’t get angry and frustrate that often. But at the end of that day, I was and still am incredibly proud to represent my sponsors, my friends, my family, my community and my country. So thank you to all the people who have done those small things to help me out, and thank you to those who have done the big things as well. A friend let me borrow her car to make the trip, my team, KS Energy Services/ TW stepped up to cover most of the cost, Trek and Emery’s made sure equipment was on point. I almost had a brand new bike just for the race! My legs were there, so thank you to Gordy. Thursday’s practice saw me getting my lap times down to the 15 minute mark which I if I could have done 7 like that, I would have not been even pulled. So thank you Speed Cycling and Gordy. Mike’s Mix kept me fueled all weekend. About the only thing I could stomach after the race was Mike’s Mix.

Now I switch gears a little bit. I’ll be finishing up the WORS series and hitting up Chequamegon, but the focus turns to Cyclocross now. After this short break, I’ll be training hard. With the CX season I had last year and the big MTB season this year, I know I can do some special things this coming season.