Cleared

Email received from Coach Gordy 7/23/2012 at 5:36.


"Good to hear Joe. Roll up your sleeves, time to get to work."


I woke up yesterday feeling like I was forgetting something. I showered and headed to work but couldn't shake the feeling. I sat in my chair and opened up my email. The meetings for the day came up and first on the list was: Doctors Appointment! SHIT! I called and was allowed to come in late. I ended up being about 1 hour late for my appointment. The people at UW Health were pretty cool about it, apparently they were on a slow day. I headed in for X-rays. The same nurse/technician who gave me initial x-rays working. She is pretty cute so I definitely sucked in the gut when I took the shirt off ;) (almost comically it was sucked in so far, but I caught her looking). Anyways, saw the doctor and talked about how cool bones are, they are pretty sweet, and at the end of it all, I asked can I race? He said: "You can do whatever you want, but you're still at risk." I figure if I crash I would probably hurt myself regardless. I was pretty excited and emailed Gordy at Speed Madison.


Sleeves are rolled up, and I'm getting back to work.


Next race is the Wausau 24. Awesome and well run event. The hours of trail riding will help me get my confidenc back so I'm pretty excited for it. Check it out!


http://www.wausau24.com/


Peace.

Getting back on the horse.

Today was first day back on the mountain bike since the crash. I was excited to go, but a little worried my bike wasn’t totally up to it. I haven’t touched it since the crash since today. 20 minutes with a spoke wrench and the front wheel was good to go and so was I. Rain was in the forecast, but we said F it and went anyways. We met out at Cam-Rock after work at 6pm with the skies clear and blue.

We started down the path and things were great. We hit the single track and immediately I noticed my front tire was a little low on air. I decided that would be good as it would keep me from trying to push it too hard. Sometimes I wonder what makes me so dumb while on a bike. I kept going and things were fine. We got to the first technical downhill and I took it nice and easy, sort of. The last corner, it has a lump right in the middle of it and I’ve washed out there before. I hit it with a little too much speed and rolled the tire falling hard on my butt. It left a pretty good gash in my left cheek and dirt rash on the left arm. I pumped it up and kept going, but I was noticeably more timid, extremely timid to be honest. I was actually afraid.

Things got better, as it started to poor rain. No big deal for Cam-rock. It’s so dry that the trails stay good for a long time after it rains. But then came some serious thunder. We headed for the shelter and hung around until the rain broke and rode back to the car.

Hopefully tomorrow I can have a better day. There are some days you just need to completely forget; today was one of those days.

Trying to find my rhythm

Crashing and hurting yourself has some obvious consequences. The time off was tough because I lost a fair amount of fitness. Not being able to race in the races I wanted to, missing some of my season’s biggest goal races was even harder. As much as it was cool to see friends tearing it up in Idaho, it was bitter sweet knowing that I could have been there having success too. There were a lot of I could haves and what ifs running through my head, weighing me down and making it tough to push through and continue keeping focused on coming back. It’s funny, just because you want something doesn’t mean that you’ll have the drive to make it happen. I’ve had a taste of this for the first time in my life in the last few weeks, feeling afraid to try for fear of failure.

I think my fear was somewhat justified too. I have yet to get back on a mountain bike, still waiting for the doctor to clear me in a week. And while on the bike I was feeling uncomfortable. I wasn’t picking up where I left off. I was trying to re-learn a lot of what I spent years learning. There was a blockade standing in my way and for some reason I couldn’t just deal with it like before. It was almost like I forgot how to.

And this continued much the same into this past week’s rides. I was trying so hard to hit the numbers, to push myself, to go hard. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know if the numbers were wrong, or if I was just not up to it. After failing to push myself hard enough on the weekend, I was still feeling tired from the long hours. Not recovering right and felt dead Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. But something happened yesterday. Something happened that showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. It was distant and dull, but light is still light. During another FTP effort where I just couldn’t keep the pace up, I thought maybe I’m just not in a rhythm. So I focused, I push the pace and effort to a place where I knew I could hold it and just sat there. It hurt like all hell, but I stayed there. I focused to keep the cadence high and the effort high all the while keeping my gaze on the road ahead. I let my body do the work while I focused on the effort.

I think that’s the subtle difference. I was too focused on the pain and not focused enough on the effort. I was too focused on how hard I was going and not focused enough on how hard I should go. Hopefully this makes sense. Like I said, that light was short lived, as I only had 2 minutes left in my interval. But for that brief moment, I felt like I was strong. It wasn’t easy, but it was manageable. I found a rhythm and held it.

And this is true in the other aspect of my life/training (what’s the difference anymore?). I was eating whatever, getting takeout and subs almost every day. I was staying up too late. I was letting things sit and not dealing with them. I stopped doing the little things that alone don’t matter but together make all the difference. In the last few years I’ve become someone who can fix almost anything as long as I understand the problem. I thought I did with this one. I thought I knew how to get back going again. Turns out I didn’t, but I think I do now, but only the next week’s riding and training will tell.

I owe Gordy at Speed Cycling huge thanks. He picked me up this year and I was a little worried that my lack of results would be reason to kick me out. But after 4 weeks of recovery I contacted him letting him know I was ready to start riding again. We met and got things going again. His support was rock solid. His confidence in my abilities was noticeably deeper, and this played a big role in helping me figure this all out. But of course he stressed that we should focus more on handling skills, haha.He gave my training and remainder of the year some much needed refocusing. His experience and knowledge are there, but the caring is what makes Speed different. Gordy and all the coaches there care, like no other. When I went in 2 other coaches who I don’t really know all that well asked me how things were going, as if they understood the whole situation. I could go on and on about it, but I’ll sum it all up with a HUGE THANKS to the whole Speed Crew but even that isn’t enough.

http://www.speedmadison.com/

The next few weeks will be important. There will be lots of hard miles trying to get back to where I was and further. Then on the 23^rd I’ll get cleared to race and race off-road. The next race of any consequence will be Ore to Shore where I’m hopeful for a solid result to confirm that I’m making progress. I might race the Wausau 24 before that for some fun and some dirt practice, but we’ll see.

See you on the roads and trails!