Post season reflection

My usual procedure for writing a new blog post is to go back look at what I last posted and pick up the story from there. But my last post was about Melas Basin and before that Chequamegon. The story is a little fragmented at this point, something of a representation of how I ended this season.

I don’t really know how to describe it, but it’s been tough. No worries now, I’ve pushed through and figured it all out at least emotionally, but it’s a case of perspective. While you’re neck deep in it, you think it’s a much bigger deal than when you’re standing on the other side looking back.

I’ve always loved to ride my bike but a few years ago I started taking it seriously. I came into it with an ideal of what a professional cyclist was and none of the personal tools to get there. I’m standing here today with a better idea of what a professional cyclist is and a clear path to get there, and the personal tools to make it happen (I think, and hope). I owe a fair amount of that to Brian Matter, who joined Team Wisconsin this year. I’m glad he found a home on the team for his sake, but also for selfish reasons. Be it because I don’t know how to ask, or because they don’t like to share; I’ve never really had anyone to ask how it all works. I’ve had many people help me over the years, but the professional perspective was missing. There were some realizations this year that have brought my dreams into focus.

But in order to get where I am, it took 3 years of hard work. I’ve made mistakes, maybe not trained as hard as I could, but luckily I was consistent enough to progress. It’s what it took to get here, but I’m not convinced it’s the way forward, it wasn’t sustainable. I’ve started coaching and it’s given me some perspective on the prescribed training schedules, as well as a critical eye for my own training. But I’m not too concerned with the past here. What I mean to express is the chain of events that lead me to what is now clear was exhaustion. I was tired of racing and needed a break.

But you can imagine that in the moment, this could be pretty scary. I’ve lightly made a commitment to race for a living, so when I don’t want to race, I didn’t know what to do. Was it permanent? Was my dream going to crumb, was I burned out? I was confused and in a panic. And it makes some sense. I started racing in February. I came into WORS on good form and tried to hold it through CX season. No wonder I got tired. A balanced life is important. But a part of any athletic pursuit is reaching higher than you’ve been before, and as the pendulum swings one way, so much it swings the other. A fancy way of saying hard training requires hard recovery.

I’m fine now, focused on training now. And I talk about this period without a lot of specifics because that’s what it was like to experience. I was missing details, constantly tired, a little depressed to be honest. But like I said, a little rest and some time off from racing and I’m feel much better, motivation is back and I’m looking forward to 2105.

2015 is shaping up to be special. Nothing to announce yet, but as soon as I do, this will be the place to find out. Thanks for all the support in 2014 from so many people. A proper recap of the racing will come soon.