Trying to find my rhythm

Crashing and hurting yourself has some obvious consequences. The time off was tough because I lost a fair amount of fitness. Not being able to race in the races I wanted to, missing some of my season’s biggest goal races was even harder. As much as it was cool to see friends tearing it up in Idaho, it was bitter sweet knowing that I could have been there having success too. There were a lot of I could haves and what ifs running through my head, weighing me down and making it tough to push through and continue keeping focused on coming back. It’s funny, just because you want something doesn’t mean that you’ll have the drive to make it happen. I’ve had a taste of this for the first time in my life in the last few weeks, feeling afraid to try for fear of failure.

I think my fear was somewhat justified too. I have yet to get back on a mountain bike, still waiting for the doctor to clear me in a week. And while on the bike I was feeling uncomfortable. I wasn’t picking up where I left off. I was trying to re-learn a lot of what I spent years learning. There was a blockade standing in my way and for some reason I couldn’t just deal with it like before. It was almost like I forgot how to.

And this continued much the same into this past week’s rides. I was trying so hard to hit the numbers, to push myself, to go hard. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know if the numbers were wrong, or if I was just not up to it. After failing to push myself hard enough on the weekend, I was still feeling tired from the long hours. Not recovering right and felt dead Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. But something happened yesterday. Something happened that showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. It was distant and dull, but light is still light. During another FTP effort where I just couldn’t keep the pace up, I thought maybe I’m just not in a rhythm. So I focused, I push the pace and effort to a place where I knew I could hold it and just sat there. It hurt like all hell, but I stayed there. I focused to keep the cadence high and the effort high all the while keeping my gaze on the road ahead. I let my body do the work while I focused on the effort.

I think that’s the subtle difference. I was too focused on the pain and not focused enough on the effort. I was too focused on how hard I was going and not focused enough on how hard I should go. Hopefully this makes sense. Like I said, that light was short lived, as I only had 2 minutes left in my interval. But for that brief moment, I felt like I was strong. It wasn’t easy, but it was manageable. I found a rhythm and held it.

And this is true in the other aspect of my life/training (what’s the difference anymore?). I was eating whatever, getting takeout and subs almost every day. I was staying up too late. I was letting things sit and not dealing with them. I stopped doing the little things that alone don’t matter but together make all the difference. In the last few years I’ve become someone who can fix almost anything as long as I understand the problem. I thought I did with this one. I thought I knew how to get back going again. Turns out I didn’t, but I think I do now, but only the next week’s riding and training will tell.

I owe Gordy at Speed Cycling huge thanks. He picked me up this year and I was a little worried that my lack of results would be reason to kick me out. But after 4 weeks of recovery I contacted him letting him know I was ready to start riding again. We met and got things going again. His support was rock solid. His confidence in my abilities was noticeably deeper, and this played a big role in helping me figure this all out. But of course he stressed that we should focus more on handling skills, haha.He gave my training and remainder of the year some much needed refocusing. His experience and knowledge are there, but the caring is what makes Speed different. Gordy and all the coaches there care, like no other. When I went in 2 other coaches who I don’t really know all that well asked me how things were going, as if they understood the whole situation. I could go on and on about it, but I’ll sum it all up with a HUGE THANKS to the whole Speed Crew but even that isn’t enough.

http://www.speedmadison.com/

The next few weeks will be important. There will be lots of hard miles trying to get back to where I was and further. Then on the 23^rd I’ll get cleared to race and race off-road. The next race of any consequence will be Ore to Shore where I’m hopeful for a solid result to confirm that I’m making progress. I might race the Wausau 24 before that for some fun and some dirt practice, but we’ll see.

See you on the roads and trails!

Tough couple of weeks, and it’s about to get tougher.

The last few weeks have been difficult for me. Fracturing a collarbone is a pretty common injury in cycling, so it’s tough to say this will end my hopes of making something out of racing my bike. But beyond those worries, there is something more basic.

I talked to my dad yesterday when I called him in the morning to wish him a happy father’s day. We talked about a lot, but the conversation turned to my collarbone soon enough. Most people seem to ask about the physical pain saying “I bet that hurt” does it still hurt?” of course it hurt, I’m human but I expect that. And besides I race bike and train to endure pain and almost enjoy it. But when we started talking about it my dad’s first response was, “you must be going insane!”

He captured exactly the problem! The pain was there but it was nothing. What’s been the most difficult is waiting for it to heal and watching my season slowly tick by from the sidelines. I became so focused on working hard, training and racing that without it I felt lost. Without that focus I felt like I was waiting to die. Sounds harsh, but it’s kind of true. It’s a bit extreme, but so am I.

The first few weeks have been tough, but I had good friends to help me through it. Accepting help with daily tasks is strange for me, but something I dealt with and I can’t thank Tim enough for everything. But there was a little fun too bad had. I helped out with the WORS Media at the 4^th race of the year, CamRock. It was a little strange watching from the sidelines, the racing kept my mind off those thoughts.

But it is starting to heal. More than just feeling better, it is starting to feel more solid. Although it feels more solid like jello is more solid than water, it’s still and improvement. It’s actually to point where when I move, it moves with me. That’s cool, but hurts like a bitch. And that’s the story, as it hardens it will likely hurt more and more until things are strong enough to bear my weight in 2-3 weeks’ time. And that only part of it. The training will start back up soon and we’ll see how much fitness I’ve lost. The good news is there is a ton of time between my next race and now, so I’ll be able to get into some good shape and regain any confidence I’ve lost off-road. If I’ve done an okay job on the trainer it won’t be too bad, but hopefully it not so bad to where I can’t easily motivate myself.

Next race on the schedule right now is Ore to Shore, possibly going to race Wausau 24 and Sunburst if I can get clearance by then. The next couple weeks will be all about resting and healing, getting on the trainer when I can and holding on to what fitness I can. Then I’ll have a couple of month of train and very little racing to build fitness and hopefully come into the second half of season riding like I have something to prove, cause I do.

A little mid week update

This week has been crazy with the school work. I had an exam last Friday, and rushed to Missouri after that and “forgot” to work on homework all weekend. I got a little behind. I haven’t had much of a chance to ride at all this week, but in some ways I think that’s good for me. Have been riding really hard for the last couple months and was starting to get burned out. So I suppose school came at the right time.

Today I was able to get out to cross practice. The course was set up to mimic the Grafton course, which I plan on racing this weekend.  This included a lot of off camber corners and a sand pit. I rode through the sand pit a few times, but man that thing was deep. I ended up just running through it most of the time, to keep the bike nice. I still have some kick though, I was happy to see that. I was able to keep up with the faster guys, but my buddy Isaac was killing it, and I think nobody could hang with him. I didn’t feel so bad when he dropped me. But despite not really riding outside of racing, I’m happy to still have my speed and fitness.

So this weekend is the Grafton Cross race, which should be fun. I haven’t done any of the WCA cross races yet, so it will be nice to not be racing against the crazy fast people. I might have a chance to win even. Then Sunday is the last WORS race of the year, in Sheboygan.  I love the heck out of this race, the course is fun, but what makes it special is the competition. Fast people show up, and even people I race with all the time seem to challenge me more. Plus the crowd and the money makes it fun for races and spectators. Should be a good time.

The Season Thus Far

So I decided blogging was a good idea, I guess facebook just wasn't satisfying me?

So this year I took biking a bit more seriously, and I was pleased with the results. My year started off about as well as it could. I started doing spinning with the club (UW cycling) in the winter, which was really early in the year for me. But I came out of that really strong, for Spring break. Spring break was awesome, but there was a noticeable absence of drunk women running around naked. It was mostly sober guys riding around half naked, what can you do I guess. I began racing WORS @ Iola, great race, but i didn't do all that well. I had a couple more races, but I skipped a couple because of family obligations. But even when I was racing, I wasn't killing by any means. As summer rolled around, I worked @ Willy bikes on west wash. I learned a ton of things about bikes. I was also able, somehow, to get out on rides almost every night. I must have been doing 20 hour weeks, it reminded me of spring break. It took its toll, but in a good way. I got so much faster, and learned what over training meant :(. I think the Subaru Cup marked the last race that I wasn't stupid fast. I think I have been age class winner in every race I did since then.

But now the season is coming to a close, and here is where i stand. 2nd in age class series points, and 4th overall series standings. Yea, fuckin 4th! A string of second places overall got me there. So im looking forward to racing Iceman Cometh in november, hope its not as cold as Chequamegon. I also have a bunch of cross racing to do, but I need to give the old body some rest. I feel myself getting fatigued, im starting to get burned out.

School isn't helping much though. I suppose it's really the other way around, but either way, school and biking don't always get along. I just need to learn to fuck it and ride. I think thats a sufficiently incoherent update on my life right now. I think everything will make more sense when I start blogging more regularly.

Peace